Sunday, July 31, 2005

4. I understand I am just a fan

4. Being There - Wilco

This album could well be my favourite album, and if not that, then one of the most profound and inspiring music that has shaped my life.

The track that is most intrenched in me is The Lonely 1. Sure, might not be the best song on the album, but its' my song. In it I imagine the spotlight over Jeff Tweedy, or maybe Jay Farrar, maybe Paul Westerberg, maybe Emmylou Harris, maybe Tim Rogers...or maybe myself.

The fantasy of this album is the rock 'n' roll dream. It's so meat and potatoes in some places but it's so fun. It's an album of demos essentially, of guys just jamming, singing about touring, playing in a rock band, etc. The title is the key, as it's taken from the Peter Sellers film about a simple minded gardener who can only talk in gardening terms, but can also impart the greatests truths.

And this album is so fun. Sprawling long double album, one song is on it twice, and you can barely make out a word on Dreamer In My Dreams. What deaf man mixed that track? Does it matter?

Saturday, July 30, 2005

A photo

I'm glad I did it,
If only once
And took the time and got to know
The people I work with
Cos I never do.

It reminds me of
That Woody song
"I loved so many people
Everywhere I go
Sometimes too much
And others not enough"

And I'm glad I took the time
And I may never see you all again
And I'm getting all existentialist now
But no, I wouldn't mind a photo

Friday, July 29, 2005

Dear Jon

I'm just writing to say I'm leaving
I'm sorry that this ends everything
But I think you'd approve.
You were always like this anyway
Make your mark and move on
I'm treading water
So I'm going to go.

I'm sorry.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

3. The Reflected Sound Of Everything

3. XO - Elliott Smith

In the last years of the 90s, those wonderful years when I was earning money but had no expenses, I went and bought just about anything recommended by to me by friends, magazines and record store clerks. So when a friend told me she was in love with this weird fellow, and when I read a little interview with him Drum Media, looking cute as an angry button on a couch with a beanie, I went out and bought the album.

I've never heard Miss Misery at this point, I wasn't old enough for arthouse movies and never cared for the Academy awards. So it's just Elliott and me, through these songs. And obviously, it's so catchy, and so Beatle-esque, it hit.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

2. Funny how you get a feel for it

Number 2 in a series of tributes to favourite albums

2. Sloan - Navy Blues

I first heard Sloan because someone wrote a review for both Sloan's One Chord To Another and You Am I's Hourly Daily in the one review. The next time I ever heard of Sloan was seeing a half page ad for a new album in Drum Media. The ad, like all the band's artwork from this era, looked fantastic. It was their nod to Saul Bass (I didn't even know who Saul Bass was at this point) and some new single with the awesome name Money City Maniacs.

A few years later I would find out why this happened. The team of fans, publicists, managers and labels that led to this record being released locally, and actually having funding for ads. But for now, back then, I was 17 and going through the biggest exploration of rock and roll I would ever take.

It was years before I really found out more about this band, and that story involves my first real crush, the West Coast of Australia and some badly photocopied articles. But until then In would listen to this album, this wonderful 70s sounding rock album, still one of THE best sounding albums ever, and look at the photos in the center spread and wonder who these guys were.

They seemed like big nerds, but cool as hell. Jay looking great as (I would later find out) Phil Spector in Easy Rider. Jay and Patrick standing at vintage microphones, with Andrew on Headphones. Chris, my early and eternal favourite, looking just dead cool. My imagination just dug so many holes about these people. In my mind they were this huge sounding Beatles-esque rock band, with a huge sound crew and lighting rig, but they crawled into the smallest of Indie rock vans to travel the yellow lines and lonely highways.

This record has so much detail, and this band had such a profound influence on me (both politically, philosphically and guitar wise), but it's important I think to note I loved this album before I found out the lyrics of Iggy And Angus is made up by Stooges songs, that Jay was the one who played the Rhodes heavy Queen like numbers, or that the cool piano sound was a Rhodes at all.

Almost all my rock and roll fantasies are wrapped up in this album. Looking back I think it put a ceiling on my ambitions. but listen to the high harmonies! The studio trickery! The guitar wooshes. You could make records that sounded like million selling Kiss albums, on an indie label. To this day, more than any other band, I would love to be in Sloan.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

In Silence

I have often, often thought about the last hours of Ian Curtis.

Of him just sitting there and looking into the future

Of watching the TV alone as the world turned again

Of another day ahead of another day behind

Of not wanting to ever to do anything at all ever again

And how hard that is to actually do

And then actually doing it.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Nice Day!

It's road trip weather

Sunday, July 24, 2005


There's an Australia that I'll never know
Of Lismore and Lindy
And a tradition all it's own
Unfettered by the immigrant culture
That I'm afraid is never going to be
And when they update the Nostradamus Kid for the kids
The witness's in the Bob Ellis sense
Will be wearing a Chicago Bulls singlet
Or Italian shoes.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Two certainties

Depreciation is not a word
This office is not a world

Friday, July 22, 2005

Dear (unattainable secret crush), I love you

Dear lovely new person in my life who has a boyfriend and is happy and all that

Just wanted to send a message to the world that you are lovely and I love the way you laugh so much and get so much out of things and you laugh at my horrible jokes and you try and get me into great music I've never heard. I know you have a wonderful boyfriend who sounds like he's just what you need and I don't want any of your time or anything. I think it's just been a long time since I met someone who reminds me the world is hidden with wonderful people. God you laugh so much how do you find time to breathe? I love your quirks and if I was a younger less bitter and hateful person I probably would have been madly in love with you. As it is, I think you've help me noticed something in me that maybe hasn't been there for a bit. You got it all girl, and it's awesome that I know you. It's been a long time since I've looked forward to seeing someone, in hopes of finding out more about them.


Thursday, July 21, 2005

To Ok

For Vina

Piss on the cliches
Your friends will bring around
as if it were ice cream and DVDs
like "It's all for a reason"
and "it's a learning experience"
or "I know how you feel"
Because they really don't
No one does me included
You've just listened to too many
Bedroom acoustic poets
Who've put in such great words
The feeling of their own
That may run parrallel
But not in front or behind
But so easily wraps around you
And whatever it is you feel
But don't take it to your broken heart
Cos in all the ways of history
This event has never happened before
And no rules exist on how you're to deal with it
So do whatever you feel like
Take the pain like the brave girl you are
I'm sorry for your lost
I'm ears if you need me
But that Jeff Buckley record's going to kill you
With a hurt that isn't yours
And no cliches apply here
So you'll learn whatever you'll want to learn
And take your own path to OK

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I (still) can't be loved

I've already been broken in two
So I can't be loved

I don't know what I want to do
So I can't be loved

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

People That You Meet

No man is an island, that's what they say to me
"You're just running away", but that's what you believe
You've never asked a hermit if he's doing fine
Cos he doesn't want to talk to you and neither do I

Monday, July 18, 2005

I Can't Be Loved

There's a world I'm dying to see
So I can't be loved
No I can't be loved

I don't want anyone crying for me
So I can't be loved
No I can't be loved
By anyone

I don't want to turn out like my dad
So I can't be loved
No I can't be loved

I've played this part before I kow how it ends
So I can't be loved
No I can't be loved
By anyone

I've been thinking about
Why it didn't work out
I guess it's not you it's me

I'm good for a night
But I'm no good for your life
Come closer and you'll see

I can't be loved

Sunday, July 17, 2005


This morning I woke up on your good side
I was making good time
I didn't do anything wrong

Now I turn up and it turns out you hate me
Am I going crazy?
I didn't do anything wrong

I didn't do anything

Baby you know I've had it
You're so erratic
I should have paid more attention in mathematics
Cos girl you don't add up
Girl you don't add up
Stare at my working out just to try and work you out

So we spend the day not talking
It feels like we're boxing
With silence and stares

This morning we were doing fine
Now I've crossed a line
I didn't even know was there

Saturday, July 16, 2005


I'm beginning to hate you all
And I think I've worked out all your rope tricks
And sleights of hand
But your terrible humour and based mentality
Destroys the image of Houdini's before
And the wonderful circus posters in the 1920s
That part of me wants to collect
You just piss all over it
And you leave a bad taste in my mouth
Like I just watched modern boxing

Friday, July 15, 2005

Going for You

All the things you thought you had going for you
Are now going backwards

Thursday, July 14, 2005

I can still hear your voice

If I close my eyes
And concentrate
I can still hear your voice

The sky is fascinating
I wish you could see it from here

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Thoughts I Fought

And I don't know why my parents always fought
I thought people in love had to get along
Til I met you and that thought was gone

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

When I'm lying

I'm just on your bad side
And I'll never make it back
But look me in the yes
and tell me you don't see through them
And the person there is someone
You don't get or understand
That you don't know when I'm lying
And I'll tell you it's over

Monday, July 11, 2005

1. Here's a sad song that I wrote for no one else

I've been randomly going through boxes and pulling out my fave records from over the years. So, Nick Hornby can do that book, and he's a cunt, so I can do this too. The first in a series of 257 entries...

1. Clem Snide - Your Favourite Music

Such a beautiful album. There's like a hi hat, cello, a double bass, some guitar and Eef's voice and it's so wonderful. Their cover of 'Donna' is the best version of that song.

I discovered this album through those weird circumstances you discover a fave album. Someone mentioned them to me, two weeks later I see the album at Landspeed and the cover looked cool. Then a month after that, someone I knew was throwing it out. So I saved it.

The strongest memory I have for this album involves lying face down, lights off, on the lving room couch, destroyed and distraught, slinently crying and smoking, and this album washed over me.

"Your beautiful African friend
Next to him I look so white"

You know that stuff you learn about King Kong? The fear of the white man of having their pure white women taken by black savages with huge cocks...well I digress. But the Song "African Friend", completely summed up how I felt about not being cool enough, or tough enough. Next to people, I look so white.

I don't know what the hell Eef, the lead songwriter, was going through at the time, but he really managed to make a sad album, but also, one that doesn't make you sadder by the end. It's kind of defeatist and accepting.

"The window wont shut
But the breeze does feel nice."

The album's title comes from a song, "Your Favourite Music", another tender lullaby about listening to music to help, to make you feel special, but how that's a dead end too. And the opening song, "The Dairy Queen", is a wonderful, sadly sung, light hearted ramble of just beautiful images.

"Knowingly blowing a bubble
As the ginger ale tickled her nose"

It's very Salinger...the innocence of youth to redeem the sins of the old. Or something.

It all crashes with Donna, anyway. The Richie Valens. You know the song...Ooh Donna, ooh Donna, since you've been gone, you left me all alone. And it's funny, that such a sad album amde me happy, or at least, stopped my plummelling further. And it still sounds great to this day. They've released a couple more albums since, including the theme song for the TV show Ed. But Your Favourite Music is it. I keep it on hand to save my life.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Back in Newtown

On the street!
And on my way eat
Pass the servo and 'back together'
Australia St and buried treasures
To Hum to say hi to Steve
And pick up some DVDs
British TV and Woody Allen
Then Spicy Beef Noodles with Wontons
IGA for some choclate and coke
As the rain plattered lightly on the roads
Pass Fish where they only stock crap
Stopped by German tourists looking for Jazz
And I almost took their whole night
Telling them about Newtown, and the bends and lights
And I pointed meekly down south
Towards the Sando where music might be out
As I batcaved into the backstreets
With my takeway and DVDs
Hiding under the lightpath and plane sounds
That remind me I'm back in Newtown

Saturday, July 09, 2005

I Don't Wanna Talk About the Future

I don't wanna talk about the future
With somebody who is living in the past
You're wishing, waiting for another '94
And all you do is talk about before

Friday, July 08, 2005

The Truth About Boys And Girls

It's never gonna work out right
With everything that's wrong inside
And I'm sorry if I told you lies
But there's monsters tearing at my eyes

Thursday, July 07, 2005

A Wonderful Dream

I had a wonderful dream
Just last night
You were with me
It felt right
Then a woke up
And realised
It's never going to be

I still go for
Girls your type
Guess I never
Got over you right
I'm still clinging
To a life
That's never going to be

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The Body (new/maybe unused verse)

Could everyone stop crying, or else I’m gonna choke
On this atmosphere so thick in here and living in my throat
And the memories of a person’s buried everywhere I go

That is nothing like a body without a soul

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

For A While It Was Going So Well

You had Christmas in the summer
It wasn't long til you were lovers
And every moment uncovered
New treasure,
New pleasures

You moved in with your backpack
Your razors and moustache
And for a while there you thought that
This could not get
Any better

And for a while it was going so well
Oh well

By Valentines it was over
The travel bug took hold of you
And you left for Victoria
But the weather
would get to you

With a novel and a guitar
You're convinced you didn't miss her
But by doing so you think of her
And you wonder
What you done

And for a while it was going so well

For a little while you saw
What the world had in store
In the face of the one you adored
And all you knew to do was withdraw

Monday, July 04, 2005

Breakfast At Truman's

My first apartment out of home was this ugly thing out of a new couples catalogue. The circumstances of why I moved out of home at this time are a bit blurry. I think I just moved out because a friend was looking for someone to move out with and I could afford it. So I packed up some boxes and a bed and just went for it. It was cheap, and it happened so fast I barely remember thinking it was an adventure.

It was one of those places that had that plastic feel. That when it was new it was all sparkly in a dull way. A neat little place for neat young people. But years of wear ate away at it. It just seemed like an apartment to order, no personality, but then again I didn’t try to give it any either. I never did feel at home enough to put up posters or anything. I had cardboard boxes for my clothes. Never met a single neighbour. I did finally get a piano after years of wanting one.

I started a band also around the same time, or maybe I was already in one. And many songs were written in that little shithole, as planes flew by our 4th floor balcony. I worked hard at radio, now having the freedom of being so close to the city. God, I stayed up til so late at that place. Listening to music on headphones, playing guitar, reading comics, music magazines and novels set in foreign countries.

For a while I could hear people having sex in other apartments, but it was so regular and so good that I realised it must have been someone watching porn. I don’t know why but I thought it was quite romantic otherwise. But that’s always how I saw the world a bit. I never felt the world was a stage, rather than a novella.

Like anywhere you live, and I lived there for almost two years I think, memories fade like bite marks on your skin. I can still remember friends staying over, singing and playing guitars into the night. Sloan songs. Big Star songs. Gram. Sometimes even some Rod. The hotness in the afternoon as the sun came blasting through the big balcony doors. The TV on the chair. The crap wardrobe I bought from Ikea that I always hated.

Somewhere along the lines of this independence I started meeting more people. And of course, women. That’s what it all comes down to, really. My male and female platonic friends may be offended by this, but it’s the ones that trip that magic wire in the lower chest that you forget last. In those years, those first years out of home, it got tripped up quite a bit.

And of course, like the river that finds the ocean and those other stupid clichés, there was one girl in particular.

You know, if I saw myself on that night, in those ten fateful minutes, I probably would have laughed at myself. I was walking up some stairs to a theatre where I was helping out for some function, after being heartbroken again by some girl who really didn’t mean anything at all. As a romantic, you have to be heartbroken on a regular basis. It’s like an asthmatic and insulin. And I was barely into the room I was I start telling my latest sad tale to an old friend, as there’s this other girl who is listening in…but not listening in. She’s just trying to set up too.

And she was just gorgeous. What a fool I am. My eyes kept going from looking at the person I was talking to, to the person I wanted to be talking to. So I spent the rest of the night trying to talk to this girl. And she was wonderful. I took care not to be too stupid. It could have been rebound I guess, but the months that followed disproved that. In any event, we became friends.

She had a boyfriend at this point. And when I found out, it brought me back to Earth pretty quickly. Spent a night playing the Beach Boy’s song “I Bet He’s Nice” over and over to no one, not even myself really. It was a bit like sticking your hands in a flame again and going “see, it didn’t hurt.” But it wasn’t long before she broke up with him, and the cast of characters in this little story became two.

I can still see her sitting at the apartment door as I rushed back to meet her one day, months later. I remember us in the living room, trying on jackets there before a night out, and her jokingly scolding me for not noticing the highlights in her hair. And finally, calling her, months later again, the night I was moving out from the balcony at night, after our relationship had burnt out.

Looking back, even though I wasn’t terribly happy living there, I don’t know why I had to move out. I think it was laid down upon me. The person I was living with couldn’t live with me anymore. In the music business they call this a creative difference. For me it was a bother and I moved on. And I smashed that stupid wardrobe all down the side street.

As for the girl, it ended when I realised that she didn’t love me and was never going to, and that I could never really trust her. It was like she was suddenly the enemy, and I questioned everything I did, everything she did, and searched for motives everywhere and in everything. What’s that song? We can’t go on together with suspicious minds. I didn’t want to be alone with this person anymore. It was time to pack that up and go too.

Do you know that opening scene in Truman Capote’s Breakfast At Tiffany’s? And I qualify it by author because it’s his novella I refer to. Where the men are worn out and lived in, drinking at the bar near the main character’s first apartment (unnamed in the book), and he starts talking to the old barman there and they talk of the girl they once knew. That’s the connection. The places you live and the people you knew when you lived there.

So far the rate of my life, the last 4 places I’ve lived in, I can always connect to a particular girl. Which I think was the point of Capote’s novel anyway. Reminiscing about apartments, like the one I had, above the pizza place, the convenient shop, near the Thai place and that theatre where I saw Darren Hanlon once. And how that will lead to thinking about love, unrequited or otherwise. I’m not even sure that part matters. The facts give way to the memories, and details fade to cloudy impressions of feelings once had.

It’s not a story of jewellery, a fantastic girl named Holly Golightly, that Moon River song. But the people you meet and the places you live and how they connect. How near the furniture shop on your street is where you tried to touch her hand, and how that awful colour of the doors will remind you of that girl with the prefect smile who knew all the right things to say.

I still walk by there sometimes. Never for too long. It’s like looking at old photos and I almost never keep photos of anything anyway.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Dream 03/07/05

At a party
In New York of all places
Late night loft warehouse
Like some bad jeans commercial
Or a Prodigy film clip
With the drummer and his girl
And you were there
And shouldn't have been
And we were happy
When we aren't
So why am I dreaming of this?

Saturday, July 02, 2005

I Just Wasn't Made For These Times...

Brian Wilson

Everytime I get the inspiration to go change things around
No one wants to help me look for places where new things might be found
Where can I turn when my fair weathered friends cop out?
What's it all about?

Each time things start to happen again
I think I got something good going for myself
Then what goes wrong?

Friday, July 01, 2005

Pictures of you

Hello, how are you, haven't seen you in a while
You know I missed you so much since you said goodbye
And I just cannot wait to see what you look like
On a day that I feel I could get by